Thoughts of a Raptor
by Soundwave 0107
Summary: Chapter 3: Onboard the Nemesis, Starscream knows that Grindor serves no purpose other then to hurt him. He looks just like Blackout... Rated T for swearing. Read and Review plz :D
1. Chapter 1

Starscream generally didn't get much time for peaceful thinking. Often, he had to give orders, separate a fight or two, make plans and lead a raid.

But know, in this massive mountainous plain, he had time to think.

And what a place to think. He was sat upon a massive hill, overlooking massive plains, decorated with golden grasses and an occasional lake, flaring in the setting sun, the star red under the atmospheric layer, barely showing through the great mountains. This was a secluded area, where he could be in robot form without fear of discovery from the insects. A perfect place to think.

And what was he thinking about?

Why, his troops.

At the nearest lake, at least 156.78 metres away, his troops were relaxing as well.

Brawl was taking run-ups and leaping into the lake, creating monstrous splashes. Barricade was sitting on the shore nearby, laughing at the tank's antics. Blackout was in his vehicle mode, recharging or something. Bonecrusher had uprooted a thick tree and was holding it casually, saying something to Barricade, whom nodded in agreement to whatever the buffalo said. Seeing the cruiser pick up a large boulder and throwing it at the buffalo, whom swatted it away with the tree, Starscream guessed they were replicating the human sport called........ baseball?

Starscream watched them at their antics with an expression that combined fondness, curiosity and contemplation.

When he had first assembled this team to find the Allspark (And Megatron, as Blackout always reminded him) he had seen them as nothing more then servants, pawns, easily disposed of.

But now-

A sharp chirp from his side enlightened him to the presence of Scorponok, Blackout's symbiotic drone.

"Scorponok." Starscream acknowledged in his sharp voice. "You are here to keep me company?"

The drone nodded slowly, before settling down next to the jet.

"I suppose I could talk of my problems to you, Scorponok." Starscream mused, idly trailing a claw down the scorpions back.

"My problems. Well, first off, I don't see any of you as pawns anymore. I suppose I have gone against my own code in doing that. Getting close to others. But of course, when you have been together with others as long as we have, you start to see them as more then just others. I suppose, dare I say it, that I might consider them..... family."

Scorponok looked on, waiting for the jet to continue.

"Let's start with you, Scorponok." Starscream said. "You are easily the "pet" of the group. You do as you are told, you are loyal, approachable and do not think of anything higher then simple loyalty to your master. You are the pet, the one that can always be relied on, that listens."

Had he not been too absorbed in his speech, Starscream may have noticed the other Decepticons gather around Blackout.

"Your master. I suppose I could say that he is the most disobedient, stuck-up, annoying, unfaithful bastard that I have ever met. He always tries to overrule me, constantly going on about his stupid faith in Megatron.......... And yet, I can't imagine without him. Despite our hatred, we respect each other. He assists me in leadership matters, tactical matters. He can always be counted on to remain calm no matter what. I suppose he could be a good leader if he wanted to. In that way, I consider him the......... uncle. The person not related or interested in us, but is still here, still helping. And I respect him for that.

Barricade is sarcastic, rude, annoying, snide and always plotting something. He has made it clear on his true loyalties, and his disdain for my leadership. But what are we without him? He is our best scout. He can find out anything, find anything, no matter where or what it is. He can be counted on, is reliable, is competent. He knows how to get things, how to find the invisible. He can assist on almost any mission. He is........ a sibling. One whom is naturally argumentative with you, but someone you can count on.

Brawl. My younger sibling. Childish, un-learned, laid back, cocky. But reliable, strong, helpful. He keeps our spirits up with his humour, his constant bets. Some say he is stupid. I am inclined to agree. But just because he has all the processor power of a toaster, doesn't mean he is truly stupid. He knows what to do to cheer you up. Funny. Most would say he only knows the art of destroying everything. But he is more then a tank. He is my younger sibling, the one whom is childish and stupid, but faithful and proud.

Bonecrusher is a whole other story. He is cruel, hateful, uncaring for anything, sarcastic, always complaining. In fact, sometimes I wonder if complaining is all he can do. No, I wonder if hatred is all he is. Yet, he has a.......... quality. He is a fine medic. For someone so hateful as he, he still learns the ways of medicine. I believe that is because he suffers from self-hatred. He hates himself, despises himself. So, he heals others, to make them better, while he is never better. He is smart, strong, a great warrior, a brilliant tactician. He knows which attack would deal the most damage on which target. He is one selfish bastard, but is irreplaceable. He's the cousin that always had problems, yet helps others with their problems. Whatever I may say about him, he is the cousin we never want rid of.

And Frenzy. Another kid brother. Chatty, hyperactive, cocky, too big for his servos. I think his voice is annoying, and he never shuts up. Yet, he is a genius. I take pride in my intelligence, Scorponok, but that is almost nothing compared to Frenzy. He knows practically everything. A master hacker, an agile fighter, a sneaky little spy. Like Brawl, he keeps our spirits up with his jokes and his banter. For all his annoyances, he is caring, willing to help no matter how big the task and can be counted on. A kid brother, a child prodigy. He'll probably be the death of himself, but he'll make sure to go out in style, because he wants respect, remembrance. I would remember him.

And then, there is me. From what the others tell me, I am traitorous, self-serving, selfish, egomaniacal, a fool who only leads for the sake of power, rather then the good of our kind. But then, they tell me I have my good parts. They tell me I am a fast thinker, an intelligent bot, a good fighter, someone who always has some ambition for the future. I only want the survival of our kind. I want to be the one who saves us. So, I am selfish and that, because I want to succeed and make everything right. A hero on the wrong side, some might say. Megatron wants destruction, Optimus wants peace. So different in their goals. I say, go for in-between. Be peaceful, be strong. Firm, but fair. Like they used to be. I wan that back. I want Cybertron to be it's great self again."

Starscream finally paused in his long speech and sighed. "What am I in our family? Should I refer to us as that? Are we merely a group? I do not know. But in this family, I might say I am........ the dad. I want us to do good, I want us to succeed. I will mourn if a brother, an uncle, a nephew are lost. I can be selfish, uncaring, sarcastic, cruel, but in the end, I only want us to succeed, to live happily ever after, I suppose."

"You know, that was the nicest stuff you've ever spewed out, Starscream."

The Seeker jumped to his feet in shock, to see his troops standing in front of him, all of them looking amused.

"Screamer, you are a traitorous bitch-" Blackout said.

"-Selfish, uncaring, egomaniacal-" Barricade continued

"-A pain in the exhaust pipes-" Bonecrusher grumbled.

"-A right wacko-" Brawl sneered.

"-Jerk-" Frenzy piped up.

Before Starscream could retaliate to these words, Blackout continued:

"-But you respect us, want us to do good-"

"-You're willing to be ambitious for all of us-" Barricade said

"-You're willing to bear the responsibilities and suffer the pressures for us-" Bonecrusher growled

"-You really do care, under that smug layer-" Brawl sniggered

"-A good guy-" Frenzy added

"-And we wouldn't want you any other way, Screamer." Blackout chuckled.

Starscream supposed he should be made on the fact that Scorponok had been transmitting his conversation to Blackout, but he didn't care. In fact, he smirked.

"Let us succeed, Decepticons. To a golden future."

The other Decepticons nodded, while Bonecrusher piped up:

"If you femmes try for a group hug, I swear I'll kill you."

**Author's Notes: Aw, 'Crusher. We know you care XD**

**I kinda wondered how Screamer might see his loyal little band. So, this popped up. Might be OOC, but hey, you can only do your best.**

**Hoped you guys liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Nemesis**

The darkness, the screaming winds outside, the metallic walls, torn and ripped.

What a setting.

Though, it suited the one within this.

Starscream was hissing to himself, as he often did when alone. He hated being alone. Seekers were naturally team players, but this Seeker had lost his flock.

His family.

His family were dead.

Barricade and Scorponok were alive, true. But without his Master, Scorponok was nothing more then an insane drone, attacking everyone in that cursed desert. And Barricade had long since vanished into the human's cities. No Decepticon, even Soundwave, had a hope of finding the Mustang.

Brawl. His younger brother. The one who had always cheered him up with his stupid jokes and his gun-puns ("The amount of femmes I got in my scope. Only it's not a sniper aiming at them!")

Brawl was dead. Slaughtered by four Autobots and a group of humans. The tank had his rocket launcher torn off, his arm cut off, missiles and grenades smashing into him. Yet, Brawl kept fighting. He would always stand proud and fight. Starscream was inclined to believe the tank was immortal. But the Autobot scout had killed him, shooting him, shooting him, until the tank could no longer stand. Bumblebee had killed his younger brother.

Amusingly, Brawl would not have minded. The tank always respected anyone who could defeat him- Which was practically no-one, except Megatron. Starscream was sure that the tank's spirit had probably visited the filthy Autobot and congratulated him on his victory over him. That was just _so Brawl_. Anyone whom fought to their last spark would be honoured in the tank's optics, regardless of faction.

But Starscream did not want the tank's death to be left un-avenged. Starscream would murder that yellow piece of shit, make him scream-

Bonecrusher. That cousin whom always had problems, yet helped others with them.

Bonecrusher was dead. Murdered by Optimus Prime. How many brave Decepticons had died at the blades, the hands, the feet, the guns of the Prime? Bonecrusher had been one of the bravest Decepticons Starscream knew. Few others would dare take on the Prime without back-up. The buffalo hadn't even waited for Barricade to help him. He just charged in and attacked. And Prime had killed him.

Bonecrusher was one of the bravest Decepticons Starscream had ever met. For all his anger, his hatred, his arrogance, his cruelty, he was brave. He fought Optimus to the end, had the nerve to drag him off a bridge and sucker-punch the Autobot in his face. And when Barricade finally caught up, all he found was a headless body. The Prime had a sick habit of taking his enemies heads as prizes, and Starscream swore, he would find where the Prime was and retrieve the decapitated head that belonged to a brave warrior.

Frenzy. Another little brother. The happy go lucky, jabbering, intelligent, friendly guy.

Frenzy was dead. Killed by his own shuriken. Starscream had the drone's body in his possession. He had buried Frenzy in the ground of this cursed, windy moon, where no Autobot would find it and disgrace it. Frenzy always wanted to go out with a bang. And he went out fighting. He was a good Decepticon, and Starscream would forever miss him.

Blackout.

Blackout, Blackout, Blackout.

Starscream punched a wall with all his strength.

_Fuck Blackout! Fuck that stupid, ungrateful, irritating piece of shit to the Pit where he belonged! He left Starscream! His greatest rival had gone and died! By another's hand! Fuck that traitorous, overgrown fan!_

They had made a pact. If they had to die, let it be by the other's hand. If Starscream was mortally wounded, then Blackout would ram his rotor blade through the Raptor's spark. If Blackout could no longer stand, no longer win, then Starscream would tear him apart him with his saw.

They hated each other. So they decided that only they would be allowed to kill each other. So no-one else could settle their feud.

But... they had been friends.

Blackout had always been there, a pain in his ass, true, but, regardless, he had stuck by Starscream. Helping him. Advising him. Making bets with him...

Of all the 'Cons in the universe, even Skywarp and Thundercracker, Blackout had been Starscream's closest friend and confidant.

Despite everything, they told each other everything.

Blackout had told him how he had once had a femme, whom he loved more then life itself, but she had been murdered by the very 'Cons he fought with.

Starscream had told him that he secretly feared he would be nothing more then a back-stabbing traitor, worthless, pointless...

They had told each other everything.

And now, his greatest friend, his most hated enemy, his_ brother, _was dead.

Killed by the very vehicle Starscream impersonated.

Starscream screeched in anger and pain as his claws tore at his own body. He hated his alt-mode! He hated it! It had killed Blackout! It had killed his brother!-

Starscream hissed in anguish as he stopped attacking the very body he hated. Blackout wouldn't want him to do this. Blackout would tell him to stop being a bitchy femme and mech-up...

Blackout was honest like that.

But still-

How had it gone so wrong? They had been winning! Megatron had been crushing the foolish Prime! How had it gone _ so **WRONG?**_

The humans. They had helped. They had helped kill Brawl. They had killed Blackout.

The yellow one's stupid pet had killed Megatron...

Starscream had had the insect in his sights! He could have bent down and got him, got the Allspark!

But he didn't. He had fled, seeing that Ironhide and Ratchet weren't going down easily. Megatron might have attacked him if he had the Allspark.

But he could have got it. He could have bent down and grabbed the human and taken the Allspark-

The most anguished scream tore from him as his saw, his guns unsheathed and tore at everything around him.

**_HE COULD HAVE GOT IT! HE COULD HAVE FUCKING GOT THE FUCKING ALLSPARK! HE COULD HAVE SAVED THEM! HE COULD HAVE SAVED HIS FAMILY!_**

**_HE COULD HAVE SAVED THEM ALL!_**

**_AND HE DIDN'T!_**

Starscream flopped to his knees in despair.

_He could have saved them..._

Life hated him.

It made him suffer...

Everyone made him suffer...

How could it get any worse?

"Starscream... I'm home..."

**_ Fuck..._**


	3. Chapter 3

It was bad enough.

It was bad enough that most of his comrades, _ his family, _was dead.

Brawl was dead.

Bonecrusher was dead.

Frenzy was dead.

He didn't want to think about the last one.

And to top it off, Megatron _wasn't _dead.

Bad enough with that fragged-up Soundwave. Bad enough with Barricade gone AWOL (Not even a single communication...) Bad enough Scorponok had died as well, murdered by the old Seeker. Bad enough that, apparently, Shockwave was coming.

Bad enough that Grindor _wasn't _dead.

That really hurt him, more then Megatron's existence ever could.

Grindor _was Blackout._

They looked the same, down to the rotor cape, down to the split helicopter cockpit for the chest, down to the radar probe, down to the floatation pads on the shoulders, down to the thick, yet thin legs, down to the head sculpt.

They acted the same. Grindor was loyal to Megatron, like Blackout was. Grindor didn't like him, like Blackout did. Grindor actively insulted and went against the Raptor, like Blackout did.

Grindor was Blackout. Yet he wasn't.

Just a cruel mockery of his late comrade.

Blackout had been more to Starscream then anyone could ever have fathomed. They had been brothers, comrades, friends. Even Thundercracker and Skywarp couldn't fill the void that Blackout had left. Blackout had always been there for him, insulting him, helping him, attacking him, calming him, hating him, befriending him.

Jets and helicopters were opposite vehicles, one of immense speed, sleek design, the other of might and stability, a flying construct of great size. They had been opposites, down to Blackout's loyalty and Starscream's ambition.

Yet they were the same.

And Grindor mocked everything that Blackout had been to Starscream.

Why hadn't he died in that forest? Why had his systems been strong enough to pull him through? Why had he been sparked to begin with?

It made no sense. And it never would. Because Blackout was dead.

"What are you planning this time?"

Another cruel difference. Blackout had respect his privacy. Grindor just seemed to exist to attack him at every opportunity.

Damn him... Damn him to the Pit.

"I am thinking." The Seeker hissed angrily. "A concept clearly foreign to you. Now, don't you have Megatron's foot servos to lick, you pathetic heap of scrap?"

Grindor laughed cruelly: "You wish. Tell me, are you normally this hissy in your little musings, or is this just that human phase known as, what was it again? Ah yes, PMS, they call it. Suits you."

The helicopter chuckled darkly as Starscream snarled in anger.

"Leave now, Grindor, or I will be forced to hurt you..."

How he so badly wanted to hurt Grindor. Like how he wanted to hurt Blackout. Blackout had caused this pain in him, this horror. It was all his fault, as always. Perhaps beating Grindor would be akin to beating Blackout. Starscream liked the idea of that.

"As if-" Grindor cooed. "I am not the weakling Blackout was-"

Grindor was interrupted as sharp claws scraped against his face, leaving fresh marks against the armour. The single red optic, the one that hadn't been destroyed by the Prime's hooks, widen slightly, before narrowing. Starscream snarled threateningly, his claws flexing, eager to sink into that armour and rip the Energon from it.

"_Never speak that name. Never speak his name." _Starscream growled softly, his body heaving with rage, as a silver form shifted in the darkness. _"You will NEVER speak that name, ever."_

Grindor growled, almost a purr: "And you will stop me? _Don't make me laugh..."_

Both Decepticons snarled simultaneously, and moved in for-

"Enough."

Grindor and Starscream shrank back as Megatron emerged from the shadows, the warlord looking savage, yet civil.

"Grindor, leave him."

The helicopter nodded, with a slightly frustrated growl, but Megatron's answering snarl sent the taller mech stalking off quickly, not wanting to incite his Lord's wrath. With the helicopter gone, Megatron turned his cold gaze to Starscream, whom glared angrily at the tank, his talons scrapping the floor, his claws flexing, his wings poised in a clearly battle-ready position.

"Starscream-"

"I have no need of your lectures, Megatron!" The Seeker spat. "That fool deserved it. He deserves every amount of punishment he gets!"

Megatron was silent, contemplating the enraged Raptor before him, before he simply replied:

"I cared for him too."

Starscream's optics flashed with pure rage.

"You don't care. _You never cared."_

Ignoring the emotionless glare on the warlord's facial components, Starscream then stalked off into the darkness.

He wished Blackout was here.

Blackout always knew what to do...

_Damn Blackout..._


End file.
